gone

im just gone. simple.

bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit.

so fed up with all this boundary crap.
so fed up with you.

never

i've never realized how bad my self esteem was until today. it's almost like im feeding to my problems too. i manage to make it worse by not eating, but that's just how i make myself feel better. oh well. i'll just see where this gets me.

i've

never felt homesick and for some reason now i do. i haven't been home for more then 10 days and i miss everything back home. i just want to feel stable again and it's wierd i have absolutely nobody to go to here. i can't even go to my mom because i'm afraid of her, literally. i never thought that would happen again, but i am. i just feel alone in my own world and i don't want to be.

hm

i don't even know how i am at this point. i might be good i might not be. oh well. i think things are good & im happy, let's see how long this lasts.

Jason Mraz

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

Losing grip on the memories of my childhood. The influences on my life are slipping away. When I needed them the most, when my mom was gone all night, they stayed there to hold my hand through the night. Now it’s like I can feel the memory fade like an old polaroid. I am told to walk carefully around the border, “don’t push the limits, it’s a sensative subject.” When how can you say that when I want to scream and cry about how God shouldn’t be doing this to these whole-hearted people. Crying only makes them feel worse, they never want people to mourn in their pain. I have to be strong for them as they battle, but what if I can’t stand the idea of losing that certain someone to sickness. Hold in the tears and show them the best time of their lifes, enjoy these precious moments and love them as much as you can. I know that if they are taken I can’t hold up that wall, I let go and grieve for the pain of a slipping memory. I always know that you may feel like you’ve lost grip, but if you call upon them they are always their to guide you because they love you endlessly.