i

really don't feel like I'm going home, its more like I heading towards a black hole. I really wish I was still in Texas, drama free.

ugh

the one thing that sucks about this whole trip out here is the amount of drama I'm getting from being here and people back in California. I hardly talk to him. the whole relationship almost ended yesterday on our 8 months. things are not the way I want them to be. I just want everything to be the way they were when I first met him. for one thing I still love and care for him more than anything. just a simple text or call would make me feel a lot better. whatever I'm wasting my "vacation" focusing on the bad that happened yesterday.

i

have never felt more out of my skin than I do right now. things aren't looking well at this point, the drama followed me here to Texas.

I kinda just want to go home and forget everything that has happened and mend what it seems like a broken relationship with someone once again.

if i am your world

why dont you treat me like it? I try my hardest just so I can stay in your spotlight.

You

You can’t help who you love. You definitely can’t chose who you fall for. You just got to accept it and love them. You have to ignore what people say if they say you can do better. You need to watch what you say. You must be conscience of every move you make just so you don’t lose the one you love. You need to give them compassion when they need it the most. You need to let them comfort you whenever you need it. You need to disagree with them, don’t just agree with everything they say. You must give them your sweetest kisses. You should wipe away all of their tears and hold them the whole night. You should smile whenever you see them walking your way. 

There is so many “you’s”, but you know you can only hope that they do everything in return for you. They must love you as much as you love them. 

I've lost control

I consistently breakdown because I'm sick and worried about the one person who means something to me other then family. Right now I'm just tempted to give up, if he is? I miss the way things used to be. I don't care if I can do better! I know where my heart is and right now it is with him. 

Can I tell myself everything is okay? That tomorrow when I wake up everything will be back to normal? That you will be holding me again? I’m down on my knees wishing that everything will be back to the way it was before all of this. I want to try, with all my heart. I love you, cross my heart.